Programmers could be significantly more effective if they engaged with Authentic Relating practices

Programmers could be significantly more effective if they engaged with Authentic Relating practices. Authentic Relating practices are games we can play with other people to better relate to them past just a surface level of relationship. These are games that help us to be empathetic and relate to what other people like and the hardships they are going through. These practices are beneficial the personal lives and careers of everyone – not just programmers. but mostly programmers.

Authentic Relating started in San Francisco in the 90s as a repeatable way to solve interpersonal conflicts and build new relationships. The practices follow principles that have been discussed by Stephen Covey and many others that have been helping to explain social skills for centuries, which all start with a confident self.

The practices are often games that can be played by multiple individuals to solve the goals above (new relationship or solving conflict) as well as increasing empathy, strengthening the community. One example of a game is The Noticing Game. Two people sit across from each other, making eye contact, and they take turns sharing an observation, thought, or feeling that emerges. The purpose of this game is to build comfort in expressing emotion, while also increasing the amount of topics that can be discussed with an individual. Over the course of several minutes the participants will need to move past the obvious physical characteristics to talk about.

Another example is The Hot Seat. One person in a group sits in “the hot seat” for 5-10 minutes and chooses the level of spice (mild, medium, hot) which determines how deep and intense the questions will get. The group asks questions rapid-fire, receiving quick responses from the nerd in the “hot seat.” The point of this is to to build the strength it takes to be comfortable asking questions that get people to open up more, and to be comfortable receiving probing questions.

Programmers are not known for their extroversion and their ability to inspire emotion in others – inspiration that would come from connecting with the emotions of others, which comes from being empathetic and able to relate. Being empathetic and able to relate comes from practicing empathy and the ability to relate.

By engaging with these Relating practices and being more empathetic to others, programmers can build trust in the teams they are working with. They can understand the challenges other team members face – whether related to the project at hand directly or if they are related to the project indirectly – such as a hardship at home that brings the energy, creativity, and patience of the team member down. These indirect challenges can manifest in a team environment and bring the morale and results of the whole team down.

If programmers are empathetic toward these internal and external challenges, they can work to resolve them as a team instead of continuing to insist on deadlines and updates – which at this point can be counterproductive.

In addition to team members, programmers would better understand their customers’ wants and problems if they engaged in Authentic Relating practices. Programmers are usually creating something to solve a problem for their potential customers. By relating to the individual, by understanding what the customer wants to see, experience, and the problem they want solved, a programmer can address these in his work.

In addition to work scenarios – whether with team members or customers, programmers can be more effective by using Authentic Relating practices to solve those indirect problems of their own. By being better able to interact with other humans and form strong relationships, programmers can have stronger relationships with family, friends, and lovers. This can help keep the mind sharp when it needs to be – because it will reduce worry that is happening outside of the immediate situation.

Programmers could be significantly more effective if they engaged with Authentic Relating practices. They would be more empathetic to the wants and needs of others, more trustworthy in teams if they better relate to team members, and happier because of the strengthened relationships with other humans and the ability to be honest and expressive.

The Real Inequality Gap

Milo Yiannopoulos said on the Anthony Cumia Show the other day that the country is divided, and that the division is between the good looking and the ugly. Everyone laughed.

The comment struck a nerve with me.

I’m a good looking dude. But I like to attribute all my successes, and even my looks, to hard work.

I worked my ass off in the gym and ate the right things for years in order to be good looking. I bought clothes that don’t suck. I earned it. I think anyone can be good looking.

That will be the slogan if I ever open a gym: “Anyone can be a six”.

But that’s not where the divide is. It’s not necessarily good looking versus lazy. I’m not going to get into why some people are good looking. I’m going to talk about how they are better than ugly people.

It really starts with the development of social skills.

We call someone “good looking” when they are sexually attractive. Meaning, we want to have sex with them. There is more to being sexually attractive than just good looks, for men, but that’s why we use the term good looking. It refers to good genes, which is a positive reproductive characteristic.

That more is multiplied by being good looking. Again, they develop the social skills, which is most of what women find attractive.

Social skills not only provide the ability to charm her, but also the status that comes with being able to deal with social pressure. Again – good reproductive traits.

Good looking people develop social skills because people want to have sex with them.

Because more people want to have sex with them, the good looking are put in more social situations than ugly people.

Because they are put in more social situations, they can be more selective about the social situations they end up in.

Because they are both choosy and the raw numbers are higher, good looking people will be in more difficult social situations.

Because they are put in more social situations, and more difficult social situations, good looking people will develop social skills at a faster rate than ugly people.

These social skills provide an advantage in the dating market, the job market, and community leadership positions (politics) where sharp social skill is a requisite.

Because the good looking have them leadership positions, they will make more money, as there is more money in leadership.

Because they have the same jobs and the same friend circles that were found by filtering out less fun people with worse social skills, good looking people will tend to hang out together.

This concentrates the wealth, the beauty, and the charisma.

If you’re still not sold that beauty is better than the alternative, there are still more pros.

People that grow up good looking are constantly told they are good looking.

When you are constantly told something, you start to believe it. When that thing is a good thing, you start to be confident about it, because it’s something you can enjoy and rely on to bring positive results.

Good looking people can feel good about looks, and develop a confidence about this. Not only are they not insecure about looks, but they will gain confidence faster than ugly people because their confidence is reinforced by the sexual market, compliments, and, soon social scenes.

In the world of social media, where looks and money are visible for all, the good looking rule. Confidence rooted in looks, perceived value, and perceived status are all reinforced with “likes” on different social platforms.

Perceived status can be backed up when you actually are in exclusive social circles and have the charisma to show for it.

Not “you”, but good looking people.

There is an inequality gap in America and in the world.

There is inequality with income. There is inequality with perceived status (“likes”), and there is inequality with real status (jobs and dating market options).

All this inequality exists because of the divide between the good and the ugly.

Well. Some of it.